Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Archive for the ‘Arbitrary’ Category

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FREE NONNIE

Posted by AllieB on May 25, 2011

Elizabeth Shue, Christina Applegate and I have had some crazy times in child tending.

I should preface by saying: I don’t necessarily love to babysit. I like kids – I love kids! – but I like them better when I’m not in charge. I’ll tell you, it’s this hard-to-get mentality that makes them so fond of me…they can sense my disinterest, thus I’m the immediate go-to for games/fort building/freeze tag, etc. Maybe this hard-to-get thing isn’t a myth…??

I digress. The reason I bring this is up is that I’ve been chatting with my sister and Lacy and Skin and others recently about the pros and cons of taking care of other people’s children, and a certain story came to mind…

I had a weekly babysitting job every Tuesday. There was a Mom and a Dad and two trouble-making boys. Seriously, HUGE troublemakers….every week, the rents would go to Bible study and I’d watch over Christopher and Patrick and the basically dead cat, Maggie (this cat would occasionally let out a wail akin to Michael Finnegan’s last breath – terrifying).

One evening, about 6 weeks into the gig, a grandmother appeared from behind a door that I had never noticed, much less opened. Oh yes, it was their Nonnie. Nonnie had been LIVING IN THE BASEMENT for “years and years,” and no one ever told me about it. I mean I’m here like 3.5 hrs every week, and no one thought to mention the elderly person living downstairs. What if there was an emergency? What if she fell down and couldn’t get up? These are legit scenarios that I ought to be prepared for…

She did seem very nice and wasn’t at all offended by the legitimate scream with which I greeted her upon entering the living room where I was innocently watching my second favorite CW show at the time, Privileged. (That Joanna Garcia just can’t get a break, can she – she may have peaked with Reba.) She apologized for disturbing me, got herself a glass of water, and retreated downstairs…I was quite shocked – it just would’ve been nice to know about her existence, is all.

The parents got home and were very apologetic, but totally in the wrong way: “We’re SO SORRY, did she bother you?? We told her to STAY DOWNSTAIRS.” I’m a little scared that Nonnie was punished for daring to venture beyond her…prison? I don’t know. People are weird – this is why I prefer pet-sitting to people-sitting…dogs might be crazy, but it’s usually in a very endearing way…case in point: Missy Baxter. (credit: Family BBM Chat)

So, that happened…

My girl crush on Kate is more out of control than ever: how fetchingly glorious does she look at this meet & greet with President and First Lady Obama?! I guess spending 10 days in the Seychelles does wonders for one’s tan/hair/overall amazingness.

Source: NYMag

Dani – this is why I prefer to keep my posts short…but I did it for you :)

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate, Really? | Tagged: , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Victory! Fail.

Posted by AllieB on May 23, 2011

To preface: this week is an atypical week. I am wrapping up my job and concurrently transitioning to my new one; this is a very exciting change, I feel like I’m practically a grown-up…..anyway, be advised – BBT might suffer as a result – not forever, just for the next few days.

I’ll tell you who else is suffering: me, looking at Misha Barton.

(people.com by way of CCH)

Fail, indeed. Although I do approve of her reading material – Bill Bryson is a very hilarious author. Start with I’m a Stranger Here Myself – it’s a compilation of articles he wrote about various idiosyncrasies that make America so awesome. For instance, the number of people who die every year in mattress related deaths, or the wonder that is the grocery store. Whatever, he’s funny – BBT highly recommends. I bet Mischa is just carrying it around for show – it’s upside down for pete’s sake.

The new Bachelorette started last night. Pass.

Oprah’s last show is Wednesday. I thought that already happened?

Beyonce did her crazy, legs-flail-about-as-though-independent-from-her-body dance moves at the Billboard Awards Sunday. Seriously – how. B Spears also performed, to some decidedly lackluster reviews…but at least she looked good.

Here is Tex’s Tacos schedule for the week. I heart Tex’s Tacos. This is me having the all new carne asada taco – they upped the ante on the carne and it’s the heat. I hadn’t noticed the muy auténtico decor they have in the truck…looks good, boys.

Are you watching Parks and Recreation yet???

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

A Cinderella Story

Posted by AllieB on May 19, 2011

Let’s check in with Kate. She and William went to the North Island of the Seychelles for their honeymoon and it cost $720,000. Sounds about right. This place looks nice, I think I might go there for my honeymoon, also – my honeymoon with Prince Carl. Meanwhile, Pippa is galavanting around Europe with ex-boyfriends, taking off her ‘kini tops, and being an attention monger in general. I say good for her: she’s just having a good time, letting loose – she deserves some attention, her sister just married a Prince for crying out loud. I can even forgive her long torso.

The story below was cut and pasted from an email chain just this morning. The referenced evening actually took place some time ago, but it’s fun to relive every couple of months. Let’s call her Tabitha* – Tabitha is a hoot. To accomplish these feats on a single Thursday evening, well…it’s impressive.

That was a great Thursday night. I know it started off with pitchers of margs at el azteca then trivia at churchills then downhill slide at 5p. The sandal just slipped right off my foot, as did my purse from my arm at some point that night. I woke up with only my phone. Luckily, the Papa Johns website had my credit card info stored so I was able to order some pizza to tide me over til others got off work. Then my dear friend Anonymous Boy went to 5p and retrieved my purse but couldn’t find my shoe. He showed up at my apt with a list he had started making at work of things that he was supposed to bring to me. I have recreated said list below.

1. Purse
2. Vodka
3. Shoe
4. Jello

Everything was crossed off the list except shoe. Fail.

Fail, indeed.

*Name has obviously been changed. BBT only throws strangers under the bus, unless it’s Hilary, and clearly I know no one who goes by the name “Tabitha.”

Looking for something to do tonight? Someplace to go enjoy this glorious spring weather? Say no mas: come to The Ivy at 5:30 and have the most fun you’ve ever had.

“I work until beer o’clock.”
— Stephen King

You and me both, Stephen King. You and me both.

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Don’t be such a ninny

Posted by AllieB on May 18, 2011

I’ve been phoning it in all week – time to get back on track. I’ve upset Dawson, and we can’t have that…

Regrettably, I did not make it to the food truck bonanza last night – I went to hot yoga and was rendered noodle, thus physically was unable to attend. I wasn’t quite as devastated as our buddy Dawson there, but I was still distraught to miss…next time.

I feel badly for making a mockery of jumping off Monday into the vast chasm of despair that is Tuesday …because this girl actually did it, and not just metaphorically. Left at the altar by her fiance, Li-Wan was so fraught with misery that she leapt out of a window 80 feet above the ground. In a show of truly remarkable reflexes, Guo Zhongfan, an aid worker, rushed to the window and managed to grab her neck as she went down, catching her in mid-air, effectively pinning her to the building thus allowing for her rescue. I think this story could really unfold nicely – Guo, a heretofore quiet and maybe even lonely gentleman, performs this act of heroism for the forlorn, heartbroken young girl…they find solace in each other’s company, bound forever by this single act, and one day walk down the aisle together, as Mr. and Mrs. Zhongfan…..see, there’s always a silver lining…and this is really insane. Source: NYPost

I will say – after this mental move, the chances of Li-Wan and her fiance reaching any kind of reconciliation are not so hot…I guess that’s something to keep in mind: don’t jump out of a window if you want to mend fences down the road. Noted.

It’s been a slow week. Well, not really, in life it’s been a crazy week but that tends to translate to a BBT snoozefest. An avid reader with a mind for business has an idea, and I think I like it: he suggested that I create some kind of graphic/image, put it on a sticker, and put it in the windows of places where I frequent/have reviewed/approve of.  Zagat has one, Creative Loafing has one, why can’t BBT have one….something like this – the international sign of LIKE.

Dawson was always a real pansy, wasn’t he – a total douche nozzle.

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Nom nom nom nom nom

Posted by AllieB on May 17, 2011

There’s a Food Truck Extravaganza at Souper Jenny tonight. At first I kept seeing that it was Top Secret, but people have been Tweeting about it and posting it on Facebook, so I think the cat’s out of the bag. Yumbii…Tex’s Tacos…Souper J…it’s a win/win/win.

Me, I will have: spicy pulled pork quesadilla from Yumbii, a carne asada taco from Tex’s, and…yeah, that sounds good. Oh. I just saw that Souper Jenny is serving up a smoked gouda and bacon pimento cheese panini…christ on a cracker, it’s BATHING SUIT SEASON PEOPLE. You are not helping.

Freaking Tuesdays.

I love poetry, and a glass of scotch, and, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

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