Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

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Despicable Me

Posted by AllieB on February 21, 2013

I lost my iPhone. It happened two weeks ago, and I am not doing well. Most of the time I have no idea where I am, how I got there, or how I’m going to get where I want to go; I have no soundtrack for my daily commute; and…no Instagram. On top of all that there’s the whole behavioral issue: losing one’s phone does not purport mature, competent, adult conduct. It just doesn’t.  And, while it wasn’t a situation of me being totally blotto, it was my own careless oversight that allowed it to happen – I’ve no one to blame but myself. For this reason, instead of getting a new phone right away, I am sentencing myself to cellpiece purgatory for a few weeks with an archaic Blackberry Curve v 1.0 – pretty sure it was the clunkier predecessor to Zach Morris’s portable phone in Saved by the Bell. At its best it sends one out of every three text messages, and at its worst it freezes for hours, or maybe minutes, at a time. I’m calling this an exercise in character building. Also, torture.

I don’t have anyone’s numbers, I don’t have voicemail…if you need to get in touch with me send a text identifying yourself and I’ll respond. If you text me and hear back nothing but radio silence, you can assume that the text didn’t go through…or that it did and I’m ignoring you. XOXO! Actually, having a malfunctioning cellular device can be kind of convenient re: contact I’d rather not have, and, come to think of it, I’ve really missed that red LED light – “Allie! Someone has contacted you!” – and it’s nice having a keyboard again…plus, the lack of access to Google Maps has done wonders for my sense of direction around the nonsensical cluster that is the West Village.

This is one of my favorite things about BBT: I start off bitching and moaning about something, but by the end of the post I’m like, wait, this isn’t so bad, and I’m back to my usual cheerful self.

The camera doesn’t totally suck? I was all the way downtown by the WTC this morning for a meeting and took this…the Financial District on a weekday morning is like a different country.

#nofilter #blackberrysdonthave filters #WTC

#nofilter #thatsbecauseblackberrysdonthavefilters #WTC

How or why I rambled for three paragraphs about my cell phone situation I know not. But there you have it. I was brainstorming some preventative measures to ensure I never lose my mobile again, and I might rig up some sort of apparatus so it is affixed to my person at all times. No? Yes? I’ll keep you posted.

HUGE NEWS: the minivan is gone for good. Some other very, very lucky person (I hope it is person-singular and not a whole family) is driving around in that party wagon safety mobile. Note I said “sold” and not “given away” – true to form G-Force got some decent cash for the thing. I think removing me from the equation upped the value significantly.

Go see it: Side Effects. It’s GOOD! That Rooney Mara (she was Lisbeth Salander in Girl with a Dragon Tattoo) is a real piece of work – the word diabolical comes to mind. Also, Channing Tatum’s in it and I have a an unabashed, no-holds-barred crush on that guy. Is that sleazy?? Whatever – he’s a babe. Huge bonus: it’s under two hours long.

Watch it on the tube: The Following. It’s screwy and gory, but I’m hooked (Mondays on Fox). Credit: Caro

Read/Download: The Dinner by Herman Koch. People are going to be talking about this one, and you will all forget you heard it here first (but you did – you heard it here first), and BBT highly recommends. I saw one review calling it a “European Gone Girl” which I don’t necessarily agree with –  not in a bad way, just in a that-is-not-correct kind of way. Credit: Mom

The Duchess revealed her baby bump…bravo, Catherine. Bravo.

good god her hair is even more glorious than before

good god her hair is even more glorious than before

Meanwhile Jessica Simpson seems to be doing an okay job not turning into The Monster Who Ate Literally Everything, but she also has taken to dining at The Cheesecake Factory, according to some article I saw recently – that’s not wise. And the “sexy” pursed-lip duck face is illegal on pregnant women, so that’s gotta go. She’s also decided that if she has a son, she wants to name him Ace. The over-under on Ace not being a total d-bag is about zero. Screen Captures1

I figure this - sorry - they speak for themselves.

My plans for the evening are described on that invite below. I’m thinking Luda and I can Act a Fool while Representin‘ tha Dirty – I hope to see How Low he can go…and I fully intend to do some shaking of my Money Maker.

Doc1 - Microsoft Word 2202013 91324 PM.bmp

I didn’t black out the location because I’m too cool, I just don’t want to get in trouble…

TGIT! Make good decisions and never end sentences in prepositions,

BBT

Posted in Arbitrary, Princess Kate | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

Survival of the Fittest

Posted by AllieB on November 6, 2012

Hey! Let’s do this.

It’s Election Day. I do not discuss politics on BBT, so this is more of just a friendly reminder – just in case you live in a hole or are not on Facebook. Go rock your vote.

Sandy was but a week ago, and we’re already bracing ourselves for another storm – a “blustery Nor’easter” they’re calling it. It is impossible to say “Nor’easter” without looking or sounding like a moron (seriously, say it and you’ll totes see what I mean), so in lieu of that word I will say “bad storm.” This bad storm will bring rain and wind and snow and why again did I move here?

 Oh yeah. That’s why.

Speaking of Sandy, it totally sucked. No power for three days is really bad for morale, especially since there were no subways. No subways -> sidewalk stampedes. I had more than one near death experience on my commute, from people rocket launching themselves off scaffolding to the B*TCH who shoved me into oncoming fraffic. Such atrocities brought out a heretofore unseen side of BBT: Commuter Allie. Commuter Allie kind of reminds me of The Hulk and I hope she never comes around again because that is not a good look for moi. It really was so manic.  Thank goodness for Wine Girl.

Were I to write a guide about survival (working title Survival: A Guide), I would be sure to mention the following:

1. Wine. Lots of it. Even if you think you have enough, you probably need more – it’s not like it goes bad, AND if the storm lasts a really long time you could sell it at a huge mark-up to those who were stupidly less prepared, or issue a steep IOU to be cashed in at a later date. (This is a survival guide, not a How to be a Pushover Handbook.)

2. A large stack of clean clothes. Seriously, if a storm is coming, get thee to a washing machine.

3. I should probably say water.

4. Scrabble.

5. Electronics with awesome battery power – my Kindle was the runaway champion of battery longevity, while my iPhone died after about three hours. The darkhorse hero was my work Blackberry, which lasted a full 12 hours longer than the iPhone…

6. Headlamps. Seriously, you’ll be a lot happier during a power outage if you’re hands-free.

7. Jordan’s homemade Pumpkin Cranberry Bread

8. The ability to laugh at how much whatever situation you’re in sucks*. If you can’t laugh, excuse yourself from the group because the last thing anyone needs when the going gets tough is a Debbie Downer. My survival guide has a very strict NO DD policy.

This has best-seller written all over it.

The Wedding of the Year betwixt Bill and Sister was awesome. Salud! Prost! I thought about sharing the transcript of my toast, but I lost my notes. I do know it began with, “Hi, my name is Allie Baxter” and it massively bombed, like really blew went uphill from there.

BBT and beautimous bride; first dance to Marry Me, Bill (tear); the most amazing groom’s cake there ever was: Casey WaWa made it after all…

I’m getting super excited for Christmas up here. Who’s coming to visit???

Georgia sports – both professional and collegiate – seem to be thriving in my absence. I am sure this is no coincidence, and you’re all very welcome. Sic ‘em and RISE UP.

And now for some literacy. It’s long but it’s worth it: Ken Follet’s Century Trilogy. I’m almost done with book #2, and, according to Goog, I have to wait until 2014 for #3. WTF. Ken Follet, expect a visit from Commuter Allie…if historical fiction is not up your alley, perhaps try this kind of twisted mystery by Shatter by Joseph O’Loughlin. I read about it in People mag a few weeks ago, so if you can’t take my word for it, you can take theirs. My subway/train rides are among the highlights of my day, thanks to my Kindle reader (courtesy of my very generous big sister, CKB).

It’s completely insane that it’s already November and Thanksgiving is a scant three weeks away. Where does the time go? Who knows where thoughts come from – they just appear. Have a great day and a great week. #clearheartsclearmindscantlose

*On a more serious note, while Hurricane Sandy was a walk inthe park for most of us, it was horrible for thousands of others. My sister, who’d been planning to run the marathon on Sunday before it was canceled, is now running one this weekend in efforts to raise money for those who were rendered homeless or hungry from the storm. Should you feel so inclined, follow this link to donate. Gracias.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

#BBTproblems

Posted by AllieB on May 15, 2012

So far as I can tell, everyone I know has been going on vacation. And not even wedding-related vacations, but actual, legitimate holidays. I do not prefer this. If one more person checks in at Have You Ever Seen Water More Blue Resort or How Delicious Do These Frozen, Fruity Beverages Look Cay, I’m going to quit Facebook. Obviously, I’m not quitting Facebook, but I really am over it. WHERE IS MY VACATION. Mom, don’t answer that. For now I’ll have to settle for being the host with the most of a raging pity party – check your email for registry info.

To console myself I shall revist my own trips of yore:

 This time in 2k6 BBT was visiting Phi Phi Island, Thailand. I wonder what that girl’s name is with whom I’m drinking the vino..? I know she was from Dublin. Regardless, this really isn’t helping – nor did your email about Australia, Talbott, so thank you for that. (The part about the hole in the ground facilities did a little bit, however.)

I can’t make myself sit thru entire episodes of The Bachelorette, especially when they feature snoozefests like Emily Maynard (she’s pretty, there’s no denying that, but she, much like Taylor Swift, just make me want to take a nap), so I direct you to Melissa F’s blog/recap about last night’s premiere on Fonty Fest. I very much enjoyed reading it even though I really had no context for her commentary. This is great because now I will never feel the need actually watch it. Thank you, Melissa!

Speaking of vacations, for those of you taking trips in the near future, bite me check out these books: for those who enjoy lighter stories geared towards a more feminine audience, I recommend The Opposite of Me by Sarah Pekkanen. It’s chick-lit for sure, but it’s well-written and engaging…I laughed, I cried, etc etc. (Speaking of chick-lit, Elin has a new book coming out this summer..!) For both genders, I recommend this much darker, sordid, absolutely enthralling mystery: Defending Jacob by William Landay. Suffice it to say, it is not your average best-seller mystery, and once I got into it I couldn’t put it down. I’m still reeling from the ending.

Lastly, I’ve decided that I can let go of my Kate Middleton obsession, because I think I might just do the whole princess thing on my own. While always cute in an endearing-ginger kind of way, these recent pics of Prince Harry pretty much solidified his swoon-worthy status…kissing babies: check; kissing puppies: check. Notably not present: his Nazi costume (which I hope he’s retired permanently…) Oh, plus he’s playing polo. Helllooooo, Prince Harry.

You come here to me. I promise I’ll never say “swoon-worthy” again.

By the way, I recently learned what I’d do for a Klondike Bar: change out of comfy cozy pajamas into somewhat presentable garb, put on SHOES, descend several flights of stairs, and walk a block down Peachtree in icky drizzle at a late-night hour to the glowing mecca that is my local Walgreen’s. Oh, and pay for it in change. For the record: it wasn’t worth it.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Low-Brow > High-Brow

Posted by AllieB on April 18, 2012

Three posts in a row?! I’m on fiyah.

My hobbies include writing BBT, going for yogs, driving around, and reading – I really like to read. My taste tends to air on the side of trashy with a side of smut, but what’re ya gonna do – it’s an escape. Sorry I’m not sorry I like best sellers and chick lit and my latest find…which needs a category all of its own. A few ideas that come to mind are “inappropriate” and “you should have to show ID to purchase this book.” The only reason I feel like it’s okay to bring it up on BBT, whose PG-13 rating I vigilantly maintain, is because they talked about it on the Today Show and a movie – a mainstream movie – is in the works. Meet & greet: The Fifty Shades Trilogy.

This is some steamy stuff. The whole premise is this young college graduate, Anastasia, and an older (27 year-old??) man, Christian, who is very rich but also very ‘damaged.’ So damaged, in fact, that the only kind of relationship he knows is one of Dominance/Submission. This is also known as BDSM, about which you will learn entirely too much in the first book. He is the Dominant and he seeks out Submissives who are skinny with brown hair because they look like his ‘crack whore mother.’ Already I feel like I’ve stepped outside of my BBT boundaries…Mom, you will not like this book. I’m about to start the third and final installment, and I’m very excited. Turns out there’s a whole plot that is getting pretty thrilling. Is the writing good? No…but it’s not unreadable. I found Twilight to be unreadable – the thing read like a movie script. Is it a guilty pleasure? Quite. Even for me and my admittedly low-brow tastes this goes a bit far. Do I recommend it? Yes…but only if you take it for what it is.

According to Amazon: Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever. Um, that might be going a bit far…I’m not a psycho, I just like the books. Whatever, go to here to purchase/find out more. Credit: Lucy. I just remembered that I have an old post entitled Bookshelf Porn after a website featuring photos of people’s personal libraries…well Fifty Shades of Grey might actually be bookshelf porn.

A new show comes on after Modern Family tonight: Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23. I think it looks funny for the following reasons: 1. James van der Beek is in it and he’s kind of playing himself…like still trying to flaunt his Dawson Leary days. We miss those days, too, Dawson. 2. Kristen Ritter is funny. She was one of the few highlights in 27 Dresses and I think her droll delivery is entertaining. 3. This is the description on IMDb: Centers on Chloe, a New York party girl with the morals of a pirate who bullies and causes trouble for her naive small town roommate June.

Sold. So, tune in, DVR, whatever…if you look at my track record, when I say it’s going to be good, it’s going to be good. I was right about Cougar Town, I was right about Happy Endings, I was right about Homeland, and I was right about Revenge. I’m 4 for 4 suckas.

There are many view points on quality vs quantity…as in, should I pump the brakes on writing something if I don’t have a whole lot to say? (I’m referencing this post, BTW.) I think I’m still in fragile territory with my readers, so I’m going quantity > quality. Take it or leave it. And I think I might need to reassess my taste in books and television, maybe class things up a bit….

Happy Hump Day!

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I love Tom Brady and puppies a normal amount

Posted by AllieB on January 23, 2012

Sometimes I watch football games – especially now that I am a baller with HD television (welcome to 2012, BBT) – and I enjoy them. But what I really enjoy watching are 1. the commercials and 2. Tom Brady. Even though the pinnacle of commercial viewing is clearly during the Super Bowl, the ads aired during sports events are just so much better than average ads. As I have not yet indulged in DVR (2012 feels sorry for you, BBT), I care quite a bit about the level of entertainment these 30 second ads offer me, and the best ones are during sports. I found some teasers for this year’s Super Bowl ads – they look promising. Particularly the one featuring David Beckham in his skivvies.

And what do we have here? Oh right, it’s Allie & Tom…what an attractive couple.

Giselle who?

I don’t know how to do photoshop and Hilary isn’t on gchat to help me…which is why that is so creepy looking.

It is with a heart filled with love and teeth clenched to the point of injury that I introduce you to the newest member of the BBT family. Meet: CHARLIE!!!!!! As I mentioned last week, Pal went to volunteer at the Humane Society. She came home with Charlie after her first day, which surprised no one. Before I met Charlie I was discussing name options with Allison – I like Molly and Lolly – but she was set on Charlie. I said to her, “Allison, you really have to be careful naming animals after the opposite gender – people will just assume she’s a boy and/or go searching around her undercarriage to figure out what she is. And you are sentencing her to a life of pink accessories.” Neither Pal nor I are a particularly huge fan of pink. However, once I met my sweet angel muffin, I knew that her name is, was, and should be Charlie, so Charlie it is. Charlie is a girl – a very sweet, precious, perfect little puppy girl.

One guess which of these 4 photos was taken with my p.o.s. Blackberry.

Charlie has already had a successful playdate with her big sister, Casey Wawa, and we’re planning a get together with her other sister, Aggie, down in Savannah. BBT is a devoted and loving aunt to her three animules.

ATTN Fellow Reading Enthusiasts: Emily Giffin (author of Something Borrowed (also a heinously miscast disaster of a movie) and Love the One You’re With) has a new book coming out July 2012 – Where We Belong. I read the first chapter online and I’m already kind of exhausted with the whole story line, which doesn’t really bode well for the entire book…but I’m sure I’ll read it anyway.

I hope all y’all had a great weekend and are totally dominating this awesome, cheery Mehday Munday. PEACE.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

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