Baxter Bark Twice

Do as I say, never as I do

Posts Tagged ‘flat face’

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Normalcy: it’s not for everyone

Posted by AllieB on November 14, 2012

The people-watching in New York is second to no other place I’ve been, including Flora-Bama. It’s a veritable sensory overload up here. Some days I am no mood to observe or interact with my fellow citizens, and I put in my headphones and keep to myself, and other times I like to immerse myself in my surroundings and see what peeps are up to…it is during these times that I hear things I wish I could unhear and see things I wish I could unsee.

Cut to: Sunday morning in a coffee shop in the East Village.

It was a lovely Sunday morning – daylight savings was the night previous, everyone was well-rested…a perfect bluebird fall day. I was standing in line at a locally-owned coffee shop to order some tea (I prefer Earl Grey), while the rest of my party retrieved the bagels. Spirits were high – I may have even been humming, I don’t know. I’d been there for only a short while when I got bored with my own thoughts and started listening to the twosome ahead of me. It was a boy and a girl, each carrying a musical instrument case – pretty sure both were banjos – who were meeting to go play a gig. The boy, we’ll call him Boy, was wearing one of those pork-pie hats, a sweater vest, and stonewashed jeans that were so stiff and sturdy they could likely stand up on their own.

As for the girl (Girl), just picture a much frumpier, less cute, more nasal, infinitely less charming Zooey Deschanel.

These descriptions, I realize, are not very flattering, and I honestly don’t think it was until after I heard their conversation that I began to view them so negatively. I think you’ll understand why:

Girl: So I’m totally thrown off by the time change, I had no idea where I was, what time it was, or what I was doing when I woke up. It was soooooo weird. I don’t even know what’s happening right now

Boy: Oh. Yeah. I don’t DO that whole “extra hour of sleep” thing. I stayed up an extra hour later just to be sure I didn’t get any more sleep than I usually do, because I don’t believe that you can just HAVE a free extra hour of sleep, you know? That’s just not how I do things.

Girl: For sure, I get that.

Boy: Yeah. I feel perfect today. Totally the same as I did yesterday. I don’t even really need this coffee, it’s just something to do while we wait for our ride. I’m not, like, tired – I’m totally on level.

Girl: Yeah. Yeah.

Oh COME ON. I wanted to yank that stupid hat off his head and stomp on it with my mass-produced, non-vintage boots. What an a-hole. WHO DOESN’T LOVE AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP!? I’d always thought that was a rhetorical question – evidently, it is not. At least my bagel was delicious. I don’t think I’ve written an NYC post without talking about bagels, and that is because they are so awesome up here. I have one/week.

 Boy in pork pie hat who hates sleep + whiny celeb wannabe Girl = the flattest of all of my faces (for all my talk about flat face, there aren’t very many pictures of it…I’m actually quite smiley. Here is one exception: this is me during last week’s big storm. There is nothing remotely resembling a smile on my face.)

Let’s get current on some events:

– go see Skyfall. It is the best Bond movie of the Brosnan/Craig era, and not just because of Daniel Craig the scenery, Daniel Craig the chase scenes, Daniel Craig the Bond Girls, and Daniel Craig, but because it’s actually a good story. BBT says: a TEN! BBT also recommends Argo; it, too, is excellent.

– the CEO of the Irish airline, RyanAir, wants to start selling standing-room only tickets on flights. This seems to me a really dumb idea – possibly the dumbest I have ever heard. BBT says: I’m not going to dignify this with a response.

– Jessica Simpson is looking better (credit: People by way of Caro) – I guess anyone is going to look good next to her fugly mess of a sister. BBT says: Woof (but keep up the good work, Yessica!)

My idea of what constitutes a current event is perhaps incorrect.

Have a happy hump day! My Wednesday got started off on the wrong foot when I somehow managed to ride two stops in the wrong direction on the subway. I had to get off, climb all the way up the stairs, cross over Park, go back down more stairs, and wait for another train. I’m so ashamed – what a rookie mistake. The good news is that once today is over it will be Thursday, and then it will be Friday.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Did someone eat an onion bagel?

Posted by AllieB on October 9, 2012

Long time, no see! I kind of meant to give BBT a makeover before I wrote again, but that requires time and effort, the former of which I have little and the latter…well, you know how I do with things that require effort. Nevertheless I decided touching base was more important than a new face (that rhymes), so here I am. Hello.

What have I been up to, you ask? Let’s go with the list approach:

1. I moved to New York! 100 points to Gryffindor, because I love it. Honestly, I haven’t been around that much due to an aggressive Fall Wedding Schedule (FWS henceforth), but I’m making the transition pretty smoothly. Turns out someone with my skills and background is very much in demand, and I got job at a reputable, heard-of company doing legitimate, paycheck-worthy tasks, so that’s good – I really like it so far. NYC is a tough place to be sans income.

I call this one “Skyscrapers” – Empire State; Chrysler Building; Twin Towers

Moving here is by far the best idea I’ve ever had, and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out. I think I was like half-dead in Atlanta or something; I’m pretty sure we can all agree I was not maximizing my potential as a person. Ever since I made up the saying “wherever you go, you’re still there”, I’ve realized that a change of scenery can be just what the doctor ordered, but it also isn’t a magical panacea that fixes everything. NYC is giving me the kick in the pants I sorely needed, but now it’s up to me to actually dooooooo something – which I fully believe I will. Ok, I can ramble on forever using stale cliches and ruminating on abstract notions, so I’ll shut it down. In conclusion: me + NYC = good.

2. Weddings are happening.

Hadley and Greg’s wedding in Newport!

From top left: wedding day with the class of 2001; the somewhat picturesque altar at White Castle Inn where they exchanged vows (and the microphone into which I read my reading, which did not work despite the rigorous testing that occurred minutes previous; I handled it like champ, totally unruffled, even when the plane flew overhead thereby completely drowning me out…other people’s weddings are all about me, right?); besties at the clam bake; a historical mansion in Newport with a two-story funhouse water slide (I found this strange.)

3. Happening some more…

Hilary and Jim’s wedding in Savannah!!

From top left: the perfect reception accessory; rear view photography by B.Ward; Agnes and Jim (this is not at the wedding, but Agnes is in a life jacket, so I stuck it in there anyway); Pal-Bert-Mrs. BillyBelShipley-Pants; Savannah Yacht Club vista

4. I think you can guess where I’m going with this

Jennifer and Alex’s wedding in Sandestin!

From top left: four favorites at the Rehearsal D.; #nofilter pic of Rehearsal D at Bentley’s on the Bay; BEAUTIFUL BRIDE; bride & groom (credit: Heather); my margarita enjoying the beach

I’ll tell you, if you’ve gotta have four of your nearest and dearest get married within six weeks of each other, I hope you’re as lucky as I am in that they are all incredibly breezy, laidback, obviously beautiful brides whom you genuinely enjoy celebrating. I’d have gladly gone to Pigeon Forge for these girls, but I’m glad I got to go to the beach instead. Three down, one to go…I’ll see you in nine days, Pants.

5. In my sixth grade Language Arts class I was taught that a list/outline should always be constructed in odd numbers.

I’ve got lots more where this came from – I didn’t even go into the story about the broad-backed beast of a girl who stole the bagel OUT OF MY HANDS at Starbucks in Bryant Park, or the pre-school teacher who accosted me in the bathroom at Frankie’s 570  in the West Village to talk about AND show me her FUPA, but I promise I’ll be back…have a nice Tuesday, if that’s even possible – Tuesdays are still the worst day. Oh, here – this proves my point nicely: I searched random holidays that fall on October 9, and I found this…that’s right….Happy Moldy Cheese Day.

Bummer.

*Today’s title obviously pays homage to one of my top 5 movies, Devil Wears Prada, but it also describes me on Bagel Friday. Every Friday at work there is a huge spread of bagels (which is awesome), and last Friday I found myself engaged in a “getting-to-know-you” conversation with someone who had indeed just eaten an onion bagel. Onion bagels should disallowed in the workplace; onion bagels and tuna salad are herewith banned.

Posted in Arbitrary | Tagged: , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Give an inch and they’ll take a mile

Posted by AllieB on May 17, 2012

If you live in Atlanta like I do, then you’ve been inundated with the arrival of the latest Willy’s spin-off, Lime. Do not go to there. Even if your co-workers are all, “hey, let’s check out that new place Lime!” say, in a strong, stern, slightly assertive voice, “No, thank you.” It’s just not good. They’re trying way too hard to be good, and it’s embarassing for everyone. I went the other day because I had a coupon for a free taco it’s close to work/my house, and it was a mistake. K, I should’ve listened to you. I guess their salsa bar featuring 7 different salsas is ok, and the quesadilla wasn’t horrible, but their CHIPS (the standard by which all tex-mex restaurants should be judged, IMO) are awful. Might as well bust open a bag of Tostitos and call it a day. BBT says: pass. The good news is…. Barberitos is opening in The Peach Shopping Center!! Yes, it’s true, and I’m so excited.

I’ve come to the conclusion that people who cut hair are taught that the measurement “one inch” actually means “as much as you want plus a little more”. I got my hair cut yesterday, and when I told her I wanted only a teeeeeny tiny bit trimmed she said, “Sure! We’ll only take off half an inch – three-fourths of an inch at most.” I was so excited – finally someone who understood me. Well, the only way she took off half an inch is if by inch she meant FOOT. This is ridiculous. I was in a rush post-appointment to get another much more urgent appointment, so I didn’t take the time to check out the damage, but I’m not happy. It’s too bad I don’t drive that minivan anymore because I finally look the part. Flat.Face.

48 Things That Will Make You Feel Old. Enjoy!! What an uplifting start to my day – thanks, YKenna. Pardon me while I go get my personal affairs in order…

good god. We're as old as the dinosaurs

Ah, this helps: 37 People Who Have No Idea What They’re Doing.

Dad on the subway: you're doing it wrong!

Thirsty Thursday!! Have a wonderful day, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and always remember that three rights make a left.

*A special thank you to LucyC for ensuring my grammatical accuracy.

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The Year of the Dragon

Posted by AllieB on January 3, 2012

I’m jumping the gun on the Chinese Zodiac here, but it seemed like an aggressive, carpe diem sort of title which is only fitting for post numero uno of 2k12.

Happy New Year!!! It’s gonna be a good one – I can feel it in me bones. I aim to get a bit more personal with you peeps in the coming year, but that won’t be starting today. No, today I will pass along just a few points of interest, then you can carry on with your Tuesdays. Freaking Tuesdays.

If you are a Comcast subscriber, Showtime is offering FREE ACCESS this coming weekend. This is excellent news as Sunday, January 8, includes the season premiers of Shameless and Californication, and the series premier of House of Lies. I’ve been ranting and raving for months about how mandatory it is that you all have Showtime, and now you can just figure it out for yourself. But be sure you listen up for my voice in your head saying, “I told you so” accompanied by a knowing flat face when you’re on the phone with Comcast next Monday morning. If one more person comes up to me and says, “omigosh I am just LOVING that show Homeland!! Have you seen it??” …. I will pull a Nick Brady and punch them in the throat.

I’m no longer an avid AJC reader – I get my news from NYMag and the Today Show, which means I tend to know very little about local events, but I was at my parents’ house yesterday and stumbled upon award winning cartoonist Mike Luckovich’s favorite cartoons of 2011. He’s one of the AJC’s few claims to fame, and I really like his stuff. Check out the slide show here…and my favorite below.

RIP :(

Also sad: Georgia’s loss yesterday. Pretty irrelevant but football related: Oregon’s chrome helmets in yesterday’s Rose Bowl game were pretty rad. And that’s all I have to say about sports.

There’s no better day for hibachi than January 1, and I’d like to give a quick nod to Nakato on Cheshire Bridge: reasonable prices (particularly if you get in there for the Early Bird Special: 6:30 or before Sunday – Thursday), entertaining staff, and excellent pink sauce. And, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Tower Liquor is now open on Sundays, and it’s right around the corner…

January kind of sucks because there’s a real emphasis on self-improvement and change and the righting of wrongs and other things of moderate to extreme difficulty. I guess it’s exciting in some senses – fresh start, clean slate, etc. – but mostly it just makes me tired. Or so it has in the past….this year is a totally different ballgame. BOLO for Active Allie, Backbone Baxter, and an All-Round-Better BBT. Like I said: it’s the Year of Dragon…I’ll be channeling Lisbeth Salander for the first few weeks, at least.

Welcome home, PALLISON!!! I feel whole once again.

From left: me & you :) Just kidding – here’s a much nicer/accurate rendition of us…

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My picture is on Perez Hilton

Posted by AllieB on December 16, 2011

Earlier today I received an email from my friend Allison aka Pal that included a teeny confession she’d previously neglected to share:

So like a year ago I wrote a half-serious email to Perez Hilton about Allie’s blog and that he should read it and hire her. I was just bored at work. And I included a picture. And now we’re on Perez Hilton.

Say what? I go to the site – one I honestly do not frequent – and sure enough:

Here, see for yourself.

There are like 97 other pictures of the two of us I would have chosen over this one….but whatevs. That was a great night: Basil’s patio with ABE the V and Paxton…we sure did laugh a lot, and that was the first time I had the life-changing grits AND the first time I tried vinho verde – a very tasty Portuguese varietal that I later wrote about here…but I digress. We actually look pretty normal compared to the other people – the other people who took the time to send Perez a photo professing their undying love and affection. Good grief. I tried to post a comment with a link to BBT, but it hasn’t shown up yet…may as well try to get some new readers out of this HUMILIATION.

Oh, and after their incident in the dressing room at Barney’s Co-op the other weekend, Allison sent Sloane Crosley an FB message, and now they’re writing back and forth. And the mother of the girl who writes Suri’s Burn Book has been reading BBT this week, too. The writer lives in Atlanta, btw – maybe she and I should meet for coffee and talk about the blogosphere? I am whelmed.

**3.5 years later, BBT says: I really love this. And that’s a great pic! My 15 minutes came and went so quickly <overcome with nostalgia, sighs deeply, returns to day job>

Posted in Arbitrary, Really? | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

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